Summer is almost over, and that means local community colleges, community centers, and other institutions are sending out brochures and flyers on their forthcoming classes. After listening to some town residents discuss their “needs,” I came across a list of suggested classes I developed in 1981, in reaction to similar brochures and flyers. They still seem relevant today.
Self improvement
- Creative Suffering
- Overcoming Peace of Mind
- You and Your Birthmark
- Guilt Without Sex
- The Primal Shrug
- Ego Gratification Through Violence
- Molding Your Child’s Behavior Through Guilt and Fear
- Dealing With Post-Realization Depression
- Whine Your Way to Alienation
- How to Overcome Self-Doubt Through Pretense and Ostentation
Business
- Money Can Make You Rich
- “I Made $1000 in Real Estate”
- Career Opportunities in El Salvador
- How to Profit From Your Own Body
- The Under-achievers Guide to Very Small Business Opportunities
- Tax Shelters for the Indigent
- Looters Guide to American Cities
Home Economics
- How You Can Convert Your Family Room Into a Garage
- Cultivating Viruses in Your Refrigerator
- Burglar Proof Your Home With Concrete
- Sinus Drainage at Home
- Basic Kitchen Taxidermy
- 1001 Other Uses for Your Vacuum Cleaner
- The Repair and Maintenance of Your Virginity
- How to Convert a Wheelchair Into a Dune Buggy
- What to Do With Your Conversation Pit
- Christianity and the Art of RV Maintenance
Health and Fitness
- Creative Tooth Decay
- Exorcism and Acne
- The Joys of Hypochondria
- High Fiber Sex
- Suicide and Your Health
- Biofeedback and How to Stop It
- Skate Yourself to Regularity
- Understanding Nudity
- Tap Dance Your Way to Social Ridicule
- Optional Body Functions
No, I have no explanation for why I keep this list. And no excuse, either.
