Category Archives: legal nonsense

True religion

Some of the most important questions ever posed by humanity involve religion, spirituality, faith and belief. Most people, in every culture, profess to some spirituality, though things get more complicated when it comes to religion. Religion is related to spirituality, and faith, and belief, but you can be spiritual, and have faith, and belief without belonging to a religion.

So what, exactly, is a religious requirement? Apparently there are four of them, at least according to a mail order ministerial ordination company. From the questions, it is clear the company is of the (sort of) Christian variety. Here are the four requirements for being ordained a minister:

  1. Swear a belief in one true God.
  2. Accept Jesus Christ as the savior.
  3. Confess you sin, and ask for forgiveness. (And if you haven’t confessed yet, the form, below, encourages you to do so as part of the application process.)
  4. Pay $139.00. Note that you can “add $25 for optional wallet ID card.”

The form is reproduced below, only with the address and other identifying information blotted out. Some have spent their life working for ordination. Others pay $139. Or optionally $164.

Application for ordination. Yes, this might be crass, vulgar, and more profane than sacred, but they do accept cash or credit.
Application for ordination. Yes, this might be crass, vulgar, and more profane than sacred, but they do accept cash or credit.

License agreement as literature

George Orwell’s novel Animal Farm (August, 1945) has 29,966 words.

Ray Bradbury’s novel Fahrenheit 451 (October, 1953) has 46,118 words.

Apple’s  “Apple Developer Program License Agreement” (June, 2017) has 42,993 words.

In terms of plot, setting, and character, the license agreement is no match for either of the former two works. But all three could be classed as dystopian.

Contains fish

Ikea sells furniture. Ikea has a restaurant, and it sells salmon fillets. The fillets contain fish.

Salmon fillet contains fish warning at Ikea.
Salmon fillet contains fish warning at Ikea.

Consider yourself warned.

Instead of weed removal, weed delivery?

The District of Columbia voted to legalize possession of marijuana in November 2014. Because of misguided criminal laws, bad science favoring marijuana use, bad science opposing marijuana use, and a great many other factors, this was — and still is — a contentious issue.

But that doesn’t mean commercial entities are waiting for Congress to stop meddling and the District government to stop fiddling. This trailer with oversized placard was spotted in Maryland. It proclaims that “compassionate physicians are waiting” for folks to schedule appointments to get pot. And there is a toll-free number.

DC medical marijuana placard parked on the side of a street in Maryland.
DC medical marijuana placard parked on the side of a street in Maryland.

Pay now. But what?

Possible interpretations for this sign:

Pay Now! At the Kiosk!
Pay Now! At the Kiosk!
  • Pay for people?
  • Pay for children?
  • Buy this sign?

While we are on the subject of this sign: do you pay at the kiosk, or do you pay at the pay station? Must you pay at the pay station kiosk? Isn’t that redundantly redundant, in a redundant sort of way?

And since when is it the job of signs (or mechanical voices) to thank you? Have you ever felt any particular thankful sincerity from a metal sign?